The Way or Just the way things are?

Back Again

2008-02-20T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm back again searching with wonder and aim
Please God, don't let this be just an endless game
Not a ruse, not a lesson, not a fragmented part
Be the guide for my steps and the keeper of my heart.
Work all things together with your perfect will
So that someday soon I'll find the blessing I'm missing still.

Alone again, in search of that friend.
Why for all of my trying do results come to an end?

Part of me feels empty, another just jaded.
Will I find what I seek before all desire has faded?

The more time goes on, the more it seems
That fulfilling these dreams will never be seen.

So back again at the drawing board of contemplation,
Help me to truly ponder here without consternation
Which qualities I want, and which I require
What really matters in life and what only seems dire

Be not only my guide, but also my friend
Because, Jesus, my hopes are frayed and nearing their end.
Be my reason for being and my joy in the morning.
Be the wind in my sails and my companion in journey.

So when doubt and loneliness are back in full force
Send them scurrying off with Your thundering voice.

Meet my heart at these crossroads where disillusionment beckons and calls
Entreat me into your presence in lieu of some emotional pitfall.
Be the Lord of my life and the Lord of my heart
Who sets me aside in holiness without tearing me apart.

Transition Space

2008-02-20T22:58:00.000-08:00

Waiting and wondering, then age slows me down
I finally move near enough to wear God's crown
His fitful young princess is beginning to see
The fully wise call in His ways for me

Still not knowing even half of His spiritual matters
He invites me to try despite all the rattles
Of my heart just emerging to make Him my home
Even here in transition-space He calls me His own

He sticks close beside me even when I run free
Unwittingly stepping away from His caring for me
He knows and still loves all my sticky, dark places
He's not even put off when my brokenness shadows over faces

He loves me in all things and conditions unpleasant
He just has more for me than the life of a peasant
His daughter, redeemed, His precious little one
If only I allow Him He makes life become
So carefree and boundless, other-focused I become
A daughter of the king with brokenness undone

Think About How To Love the Poor

2007-11-02T19:11:00.001-07:00

Left to My Own Devices I'm a Wreck

2007-10-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to hope for next
My heart grows tired, and my mind is perplexed.

Too frequently dreams and passions postponed
And now, I'm not sure which path to condone.

High-end singleness is way over rated.
It makes me feel empty and my perspective gets jaded.

Low-end humility fills me with fear:
For lack of ambition will I get stuck here?

From one extreme to the other my heart is tossed.
It feels so lonely when one's heart gets lost.

Old dreams so dear seem no longer to fit.
New dreams feel baseless and are easily pitched.

So how do I find a lasting home for my heart
with a respite of peace that won't tear me apart?

The dissonance of longing versus acceptance: so tense.
In looking for order I erect pretense.

In fear of not finding that which I long for
discontentment rises up with lament and bore.

Then critical sharpness begins to cut;
and, life falls to ruins - my own homemade rut.

So how do I refocus the eyes of my heart
on God's plan for my life to be set apart,

Living in joy; and, focused on Him;
not fitfully tossed by my every whim?

I need new perspective and posture in life
to engage with life's fullness and overlook strife.

So whenever I blame shift and dwell on what's not,
please God, open my eyes to see what I've got:

Opportunities rich, and time ready to bear
all of the things on which I choose to cast my cares.

Perspective often seems such a small little matter
but, oh, when off course, it creates so much clatter!

Soups in the City by Socks and Gloves

2007-08-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

The Socks and Gloves homeless outreach group is starting to gather food, warm clothing and sleeping bags for their Soups in the City outreach next month. Check it out here.

Little One

2007-08-22T00:47:00.000-07:00

In the hard spot of a stony path
After a season that seemed so fraught with wrath
A little sunshine did become
A light unto this little one

Most thought nothing could grow in this place
Where hard knocks of life hit right on the the face
And yet with doses of morning sun
Growth came to this little one

At first with fear she beheld the grandeur
Of little flowers peeking up to pander
For a gaze at the beauty that had become
A fruit from in this little one

Her fear of pruning did soon subside
In time flowers spread across the hillside
To show the village that however much undone
Jesus had refilled this little one

Where once there were doubt and rejection near
His love had set her in the clear
Still stony were the rocks among
The flowers of this little one

Yet despite the stones along the way
Or the dreams of life cast to the fray
Perseverance had with fruit become
The sweetness o'er this little one

Though small, still lovely with fragrance rich
The doubt and greed had all been pitched
More humble had the heart become of this precious little one

She'd learned the gentle tone and tamber
Of listening to His voice - not clamor
Her cares and fears had to Him been flung
And He now cares for this little one

The place at first so hard and stony
Had turned into a sanctimony
Where He kept her heart and dashed her fear
And left her grinning ear to ear.

He who knew her had and did now own
Her heart as place to call His home
Much calmer now she had become
A protected child - His Little One

Seeds of Life

2007-08-18T19:07:00.001-07:00

It seems so dark - a lot like death
I work so hard I can't catch my breath

Does it make a difference, does anyone care
Is all this energy getting me anywhere

The night seems long, the future bleak
My "potential greatness" seems to have peaked

Now my shell gets tattered & cracked here and there
I am forcibly humbled; but, no one seems to care

Covered with dirt & wet from the rain
"Get over yourself" seems the constant refrain

Mushy & pudgy, bloated and bent
I'm trying, but, Gosh! Is this a life well spent?

Now ideals abandoned , practical I become
Somewhat less attractive, but remembering where I'm from

Now the mush pours out - my insides - like water
But with my insides out, I become the fodder
For new life to spring up for all to see
For that's who I am truly called to be...

Remember, I'm a seed; so when my life's well spent
My life's long since to another been lent

So my key aim in helping others become
The best version of themselves is far from dumb

For as this seed dies & starts to decompose
A new plant springs up for others to behold

The Kite

2007-08-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Wind blown and frayed

My heart is dismayed

After years waiting for flight

My Heart is the kite

The kite string so tangled

In the wind my heart dangles

Just knotted and stuck

All my goals run a muck

Dangles, flaps, spins and twists

I'm made for the air and know what I miss

The glory of freedom to sail high above

But this kite does not fly on the wings of true love

Isolated instead I grow winsome and dusty

Where my supports once were supple

They're now growing crusty

I've grown brittle, and fickle, my heart is forelorn

In all of my waiting my heart fills with scorn

Though made for the air, I fail to see

how my lovelorn lament changes who I can be

Without knowing or trying I push others away

So wrapped up in hurt and a sense of dismay

All kites need a runner to take to the air

But to run this old kite none would dare

It's knotted, tangled, brittle and old

This kite won't catch air, but it's never told

So wondering, "Why?" & "How?" and mostly just, "When?"

This measly kite looks for love again

It's dowels are cracked, bent, & showing general wear

It's silk is sun scorched and starting to tear

It once was so supple with colors so bold

Now it's a mess looking tattered and old

So long has it waited for enough of a wind

That it could not see how these choices would end

In a crumpled heap of kite dismay

Too tangled to flap in the wind any day

Abandonded Tomatos

2007-07-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

One week ago today I noticed that a tomato plant had mysteriously shown up on my doorstep. Poor plant. Admittedly, the plant could have been there longer than that without my noticing it; but that's at least when I noticed it for the first time.

For reasons related to recent plant death, I have a personal thing to make a point out of not trying to keep plants alive right now. I would have thought this a cruel joke, except I hadn't told anyone about my new-found (and probably temporary) plant abstinence. So, despite the handwritten sign with the plant which read, "Adopt me Please!?" the plant had no hope of becoming anything more than a languishing heap on my doorstep. I have decided that I will do nothing to keep it alive. I offered it to my neighbor Tatiyana, who I thought had agreed to add it to her thriving garden in our backyard; but, alas her broken Russian appears to have prevented her comprehension that I accept no ownership of it.

So, if the person projecting tomato tending my way is reading this, feel free to take your hope for a fruitful botanical to a better home, since as of yet, this poor plant is just as much of an orphan as when you left it on my street last week.

2007-06-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

Wonderlust, happenstance
When does this one get her chance?

Young and eager, bright and bold,
“You’re too exuberant” the child was told

Adolescence brimming with a mind so keen
She was full of dreams still yet unseen

At times exuberance won her race.
Other times opportunities went to a prettier face.
Nonetheless still whimsical and always told,
“You can do anything you set your mind to.
Just be bold!”

Self-doubt has now begun to grow
From seeds of life that told her, “No.
Not you. Not this time. You’re not the one.
We’ve chosen someone cute – more fun.”

And this, the crossroad, we all must face
Is the next path worth trying?
Is there enough space
For a burgeoning lady with lots to tell,
And dreams so big her small heart swells?

At times success leads her every way.
Other times second best is all the sway.
Albeit rare, it does so sting
When life ignores her offering.

More guarded now, she pursues perfection.
And older, she expects some rejection
To be peppered through her lonely way.
And yet remains the hope, “Some day…”

At what point, though, did she become less bold
And believe the lies that that she’d been told:
“Not pretty enough, or smart, or fun”
Somehow those words had germane become
To leave her sense of self undone.

Her own self talk had developed quite a mouth
That moved the bar of her hopes south.
Down went her ambition and up her fear.
A change which, however gradual, continued year after year.

Until one morning she woke up and thought,
“At what point did I believe less of myself than I ought?
There’s balance, yes, and accepting oneself;
But, that’s different than storing my heart on a shelf!
I’m trying, darn it - no matter what they say –
To hold on to my dreams and cast my cares away!”

So in pursuit of joy, love, and all she held dear
She ran after life despite her fears.
Imperfect, yet trying for a life where dreams fit,
She decided life’s best when you make the most of it.

At times imperfection still got in her way.
Other times fearful patterns clouded her day.
Nonetheless, sometimes, success would find her.
And then only the depth of her dreams could bind her.

So out of the blue, or after long pursuit,
Some of her dreams became her life’s route.
Who knows what next she will become
But, it’s getting there that’s half the fun.

Though she may stumble along the way,
As long as she’s humble her heart can say,
“I’m on the path of life filled with content
For a life well lived and time well spent.”

Rose-colored Vision

2007-03-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

For some indiscernible reason, (that even my many doctors can't seem to figure out), the whites of my eyes are no longer white on a normal basis. Although most of the time I now look like a drug addict or someone who has spent the better part of the day crying, I'm just someone who's eyes seem to have decided that pink and green look better together than white and green. At least nobody would shoot me if they had to wait to see the whites of my eyes. 8) The photo of my eyes in the previous post is as white as they get (or at least the whitest they've been in the last year).

My latest Dr. is now hypothesizing that I am allergic to the contact lens solution that I used last week with some trial lenses. Nice idea; but, that overlooks the fact that, except for the last few days I haven't had a contact lens in either eye since July 2006. How does she explain my pink eyes (as a color, not the contagious disease) for the better part of the last 7 months? At least the pink is no longer the fuchsia color that made my co-workers cringe in fear that I might infect them. The reality is, that outside of the off putting color, I am the only one who has any discomfort from all this pink. I guess that's a good side effect to looking at the world through rose-colored eyeballs.

You're probably noticing, though, that the attitude accompanying my rose-colored eyes is not very similar to the attitude for rose-colored glasses. Since I can't seem to do anything about the color; I ought to work on the attitude I bring to it.

What I saw last weekend

2007-01-21T23:53:00.001-08:00

What I saw last weekend
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

Two of my favorite little guys....

See below:

Smiles from a little one

2007-01-21T23:52:00.001-08:00

Smiles from a little one 1-15-07
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

This is one of the few times his little hands stopped moving as if they were ready to grab everything in sight at our Auntie date last weekend.

Museum Buddy 1-15-07

2007-01-21T23:49:00.001-08:00

Museum Buddy 1-15-07
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

This is one of our favorite hang outs.

What part of I want a pony don't you understand?

2006-11-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

What part of I want a pony don't you understand?
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

When I was young, like most little girls, I guess I regularly asked my parents if I could have a pony. To slow my repeated questioning, one of my parents (probably my dad) answered me saying, "When you're age X*" *(fill in an age over 25).

This past weekend when celebrating my birthday with family my older brother gave me the card picutred here which has a caption that reads, "What part of, 'I want a pony.' don't you understand?"

Well, now my pouting can come to an end. ... See the post below....

B-day Pony

2006-11-21T20:58:00.000-08:00

B-day Pony
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

I finally reached the benchmark pony-age last weekend. Pictured here is the pony my family gave me when I went home for a visit a couple weeks ago.

Turkey in the Park 12-10-06

2006-11-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

Turkey in the Park 12-10-06
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

Hope you can join us for this!

Our own public version of Where's Waldo

2006-10-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

I saw a mock up of the work product of a graphic designer friend of mine today that happened to contain a picture of a another friend who shall remain nameless. (For those of you who know him, your guesses as to his identity will be confirmed as correct if you know the answer to this question: which friend was the first to dance in a nightclub wearing a yellow jumpsuit?).

I was sad to learn from my designer friend that the photo of our friend was just temporarily there as filler and was likely to be replaced, I found myself thinking, what a shame! It would be very fulfilling to see this person's face on the final print of the material being produced for use on a national market. And, honestly, no one would know the difference. The photo is professionally done, and relevant to the company's corporate image. It could kind of be our own version of "Where's Waldo?" - only, "Where's (for lack of the name) yellow jumpsuit guy?" (To be clear, though, the yellow garment itself is not pictured.)

I told my graphic designer friend that I would pay him $10 to leave the photo of our friend on the design. I also think that others of you might want to add your monies to the cause of keeping this face in the design work. Any bidders?

Wisdom from the grave

2006-08-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how smart a person gets after people know they're leaving. Have you ever noticed how often people quote what others say on their death bed? Or, how well do you remember the last good bye with a friend on moving day, or a loved one saying farewell at the airport? Some words just ring in our memories like an echoing voice. That's why we have the phrase, 'famous last words'.

I gave notice at my job earlier this week since I recently got a new job. (I'm so happy.) My last day in this job is in mid Sept. One of the things that was encouraging me to look for another job is how readily my opinions and ideas were quickly pooh poohed by my co-workers. Although I've got 10 years of professional work experience beyond my undergraduate degree, and a master's degree in my field, I'm significantly younger than most of my co-workers (not just my superiors).

The group of people that didn't give a flying hoot about what I used think are now begging for and praising the same feedback that I have always given. The exact same ideas spoken by the exact same person to the exact same people are now recognized as wise. You'd think I'd changed bodies with the Dali Lama, or something: "Wait, can you repeat that? I want to write that down. ... Wow, yeah, that makes complete sense. What a good idea. Thank you." You could just call me E.F. Hutton. It actually feels quite ridiculous.

I have this eerie feeling as though I'm calling out from the grave of this old job. My colleagues are surrounding my hospital deathbed, with the beeping of the heart monitor as the only sound to interrupt, as they all sit in rapt attention as the last few utterances of wise counsel escape from my lips.

Since giving notice, my conversations with colleagues at the office have been wrapped with this morbid theme like the mummification process. I think it's my poetic way of expressing the dumbfounded shock that they are finally actually listening to what I have to say.

?

2006-08-15T03:02:00.000-07:00

More reasons to laugh at what people tack onto church

Believing Big with New Hope

2006-08-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

"The missional church, by its very nature, will be an anticlone of the existing traditional [church] model. Rather than being attractional, it will be incarnational. It will leave its own religious zones and live comfortably with non-church goers, seeping into the host culture like salt and light. It will be an infiltrating transformational community. Second, rather than being dualistic, it will embrace a messianic spirituality. That is, a spirituality of engagement with culture and a messianic spirituality. That is, a spirituality of engagement with culture and the world in the same mode as the Messiah himself. And third, the missional church will develop an apostolic form of leadership rather than the traditional hierarchical model."

"As Brock Bingaman says, no one in San Francisco wants another church, but they do want a cool shoe room. If we come to plant a church in a particular area, we're not perceived as doing anyone any favors. But, if we're starting a cafe, an Internet lanunderette, or a day-care center, we're seen as bringing some intrinsic value to a community. We're serving those to whom we're sent."

The Shaping of Things to Come Michael Frost & Alan Hirsch

I've had a number of ideas brewing in my head and heart over the last weeks about the type of incarnational community that to date lives more as a fetus in the womb of my heart than in my daily interactions. My dream includes a BIG house, and probably at least one other commercial building if not more. I see job coaching/resourcing, a connection with a cross section of financial classes, and an artsy, community space to hang out and accomplish some of the mundane things of life without being so mundane (kind of like the way an internet launderette cafe would let renters clean their clothes and feed their minds and drink java bean all at the same time. I've started praying with a growing hope for God to help me faithfully pursue some heart desires that seem far larger than I could ever hold alone, and far beyond my present grasp.

The primary issue is that whether tangible resources are at my fingertips or not, I already have the best resource for building relationships and drawing out the best in others. I need to surrender the rest of the plans to that without giving up hope for Jesus to breathe life into them.

POPPED

2006-08-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

POP Collage Cut outs
Originally uploaded by write2annieliz.

Last Saturday's POP event went over very well. They gave out 640 hot dogs to guests, and had over 100 children get signed into the bounce house play area. There were tons of organizations with helpful informatino from voter registration, to birth and beyond to healthy cooking tips. The backpack in the photo was one of two filled with school supplies and a gift card big enough to take a large family to the movies that we added to the door prizes. From the pop corn to the balloon popping games, popsicles, and pop quizes to earn prizes people of all ages received excellent resources and had lots of fun. Thanks to all of you who helped out.

Internet Resources

2006-07-26T21:16:00.000-07:00

We're putting together an internet reference list to have available at the internet hub at this weekend's POP event.

Know any sites that should be added?

I put together a couple of kids backpacks filled with school supplies - one for younger children with the Car's movie theme on pencils, the bag, folder, etc, the other is geared more for older children. I also have a family pack movie gift certificate set.

If anyone wants to donate anything else for this event to give away it's not too late!

Carole King

2006-07-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

For a long time now I've been wanting to pick up some Carole King music. I recently picked up The Ode Collection 1968 - 1976 Vol. 2. She is so talented. I love her simple way of putting the heart of life's emotions into song. I never realized she had authored so many of the songs we've all loved. If this Wikkipedia post is correct, she's given us quite a musical legacy which has helped to expand the careers of many musicians. I'm really liking Sweet Seasons; and I think my many friends who are mothers of young children will relate to this one where she partnered one of my favorite children's authors, Maurice Sendak Alligators All Around.

Health Fails

2006-07-23T12:30:00.000-07:00

Health issues have kind of escalated for my mom and my sister in the last week. Please pray for them.

My mom has been in the hospital the last several days. They can't figure out what new thing is going on. She already has a rare form of MD and is in very poor general health. She had a mishap with her electric wheel chair about six weeks ago and broke some ribs. Earlier this week they couldn't wake her up for more than a few seconds at a time for about 3 days. This, combined with chest pains and difficulty breathing, got her in the hospital where they were checking her heart. After finding fluid and swelling around her heart they did tests which cleared the idea they she might have had a heart attack. Other test results indicate she's probably bleeding internally somewhere. They're keeping her in the hospital since they can't figure out what is going on.

My sister (the oldest one- not the one with lots of kids) has been having some fainting episodes which lead her to fall and break bones. She's broken her pelvis in at least two places and broken several ribs in addition to getting some nasty bumps and bruises. She's already on blood thinners for other reasons; so, she's bleeding a lot internally. Luckily for her when looking at the broken bones they found a couple of tumors. They are checking her heart to try to find what's causing the fainting. They're doing a bone scan to see whether the tumors are already part of the bones in her femur and hip. She's been off work for 3 weeks already and doesn't have a return date set. Although she recently moved in with my parents to care for them since my dad's health continues to decline, he has been caring for her and my mom.

My kind of "POP" culture

2006-07-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be attending an event called POP - People Overcoming Poverty 7/29/06. POP's goal is to "empower people to overcome poverty and move toward self-sufficiency through effective use of services." This is a kid-friendly family event is primarily targeting the working poor (but it also provides info for job training and job seeker assistance). There will be a host of info services relevant for families including Medi-Cal & Healthy Families Low Cost Health Coverage, Health Screenings, Affordable Housing, Credit Counseling, Migrant Worker Assistance, Emergency Food Assistance, ESL & Translation Services, Child Safety Car Seat Program, Education opportunities, after school programs, Christmas assistance and more.

I'll be talking more with the event coordinator tomorrow about finding some tangible ways to invite people to be involved; but I'm already trying to come up with some awesome ideas for a cool door prize donation. They'll be giving away bikes (cool thing for a kid from a lower income family, eh) etc.

It sounds like there's room for more volunteers (either individuals or organization related). I'll have more details after tomorrow. If you're interested in donating some time (before, during, or after the event) or money or stuff for the prizes for the 'overcoming people' let me know. I'm also looking for some cool ideas of what to get for door prize donations.

That's it for now.
More later on this.....

Independence gone Ballistic

2006-07-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

Celebrating freedom this year has taken a very different turn. What I'm about to share may sound unpatriotic - especially on the 4th of July. Nonetheless I can't seem to shake the ideas. We (the USA) sent a rocket into space today. Tonight the predominance of Americans will watch or launch some type of fire driven explosive device in the name of independence. Yet, we chastise the North Koreans for launching on a larger scale earlier today. Are these just today's pyrotechnics? Why are so many American's proud of our independence and simultaneously dismayed as North Korea expresses theirs?

I'm not trying to say that I endorse the missiles and potential atomic warfare that North Korea is engineering. Neither do I believe that America embodies some 'greater good' that is entitled to have such powers at its disposal. I mark today as another day of dissonance between words and deeds.

Last month I saw the media splash images of the dead 'enemy' American troops had bombed and killed - the dead face of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi still comes comes to mind. I remember being outraged that the morning news culture and many of its viewers had grown callous enough to show/view the image of this man's dead face (I saw it on ABC) again and again without anything other than celebration as if to say, "We killed their leader. Nanny nanny foo foo." Sure the guy above lead others in unspeakable and atrocious things; but, I don't want to celebrate his murder.

Although I'm not endorsing the behaviors of al Qaeda or the North Koreans, I am dismayed at the Independence Day rhetoric that rejoices in death and engages mild hysteria in the face of other cultures attempting to express their own independence. I can't help thinking that the North Korean missile launch today carries the weight of a question far greater than the media's implied message of, "Do you think they're going to bomb us?" (Which by the way, is probably the very question on the minds of many in the middle east these days in reference to the US.)

Today as patriotic swags flap in the breeze and the air waves fill with anthems and lingo endorsing our life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness I find myself asking, "At what cost?" Are Americans the only ones who get to choose what liberty or happiness look like for ourselves and others? I think many a wise person has argued historically that liberty gained at the expense of others is not really freedom. America is starting to come off more like a self-appointed world dictator than a global champion for democracy.

Despite my pride in the many young American's risking their safety in the name of preserving freedom (including my nephew-in-law currently deployed in Iraq) today's headlines help to confirm that the old message of 'Safe & Sane' is going a little Ballistic. Although I certainly don't have the answers, a myriad of questions have been exploding through my mind as I listen to the repeated booms of fireworks throughout my neighborhood tonight. The sky lights up here with a bang and we say, "Oooh. Ahh..." The same thing happens half a world away and by now, there are probably many who have learned from experience to think, "Take cover, the American's are bombing again."

Good Scents & God Sense

2006-06-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'll write more about this later; but, I've been thinking a lot lately about finding another practical way to express care for the homeless. Those of you who know me, know my heart for this group. The hot days increase the need for personal deodorants, soaps, clean laundry and general hygiene products.

I've decided to start gathering trial sized personal hygiene products to pass out. (Note: I'm not endorsing this link, just linking to add a visual and ideas for brainstorming. I've never purchased anything from them before. Maybe they're great; maybe not.) Being female, my first thought goes to a scented trial sampler like body wash, body spray and lotion all in some fun scent; but that's not all that's needed (and not everyone will want something scented). Trial sized since they're light and easy to carry when you're mobile. My friends and I like to add a fun scent when we want to feel special or attractive. Why not give the same opportunity to the homeless?

In the summer months natural scents can become off-putting if you don't have the stuff to do something about it. This is confirmed for me in the elevator at the public library (where I go pretty often). Even when entering an empty elevator a distinctive smell from one of your predecessors can linger in the air for quite a while. Wouldn't it be personally attentive, if we banned together to help people avoid this kind of embarrassment? A woman poured expensive perfume on Jesus' feet when they were probably stinky and dirty. I'd like to do something like this in a culturally relevant way. I think that Bath and Body Works, Gillette, and other personal hygiene products just might help to that end.

Drop me a note if you're interested. I'm looking for:
- More ideas on the topic
- People who want to donate trial sized items (or money to buy them), or
- People who want to pass out some of the stuff (with me or on their own)
- Somebody with a 501(c)3 who wants to take checks so they can be tax deductible

It's stuff like this that makes me think I need to just hop the nonprofit hoops just for the tax breaks it gives to people who want to partner financially! Anyway..........

Here are some more ideas of summer relevant things for the homeless that would be good if you're thinking of making a donation of stuff:

Sun block
Chapstick
Disposable Razors
Antibacterial Gel
Glasses wipes
Sun Glasses
Socks (to replace the old smelly ones)
Zip lock bags (it's not fun to have even a trial sized bottle of liquid soap spill in the bag that carries all of your possessions)
We also used to pass out laundry cards at a local laundry mat that paid for a free wash and dry of one load of laundry. I'd like to start that up again.

Al Gore & Store Wars

2006-06-10T12:27:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the free movie passes that we get at work from time to time, the other night some friends and I saw a preview of Gore's movie about global warming, An Inconvenient Truth.

Although Gore makes several attempts at self promotion throughout the course of the film, the message he sends for each American to take personal responsibility for the environmental factors we contribute to our warming planet, is a good one to hear (even with the condescending Simpson comic used early on to explain green house gases). However, since one can easily argue that people read much less than what they see these days, maybe this, too, has its place to try to get quickly get the message to the masses.

Things are getting hotter. When I was in high school we had one summer in Phoenix with 4 days over 120 degrees (the hottest then, was 122 degrees when we popped 3/4 of a bag of microwave popcorn on the black top of the school parking lot). Last summer they had over 2 weeks over 120 degrees in the same area. In a few more weeks matinee viewers in the Phoenix area will probably be able make their own popcorn from the movie theater parking lots before heading in to see this flick.

If nothing else I hope the movie will leave more of us seriously contemplating this question, "What can I do to take more responsibility to reduce the way my life pollutes our planet?"

Not being scientifically inclined, perhaps this next tid bit is not even relevant. Nonetheless, I thought this video spoof called Store Wars might be a light way to end an otherwise heavy topic.

Sinking Into Confusion

2006-06-10T03:27:00.000-07:00

Jumping off of the post below, (Relevant, Diluted or All Together Distorted), here's another video that shows how easy it is to be really off base without even having a clue.

For more good reading on the topic of finding meaningful ways of 'embodying Christ in our cultural context', I also found that I really like what Dwight J. Friesen has to say in his article, "Living Incarnationally."

Is the Message Relevant, Diluted, or Altogether Distorted?

2006-06-10T01:36:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite professors in college, (Dr. Doug Dickey) used to say, "All great men are inconsistent." This is true on at least 2 levels: 1. Nobody's perfect, and 2. Great people stay on a learning curve that results in an on-going path of growth and change.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how easy it is for well-meaning Christians to give God a bad name - I include myself in this. I've had several (seemingly unrelated) conversations over the course of the last month with friends and family about this topic in one way or another.

I think it's important to regularly re-examine the messages my words and actions communicate. I also think I need to regularly laugh at myself and accept the reality sometimes I'm just totally off base. See the two video links below for some satirical examples of this with evangelism:

1. This one is friendly for all ages. I think we could call this the "Convert Hunter."

2. Since there's crass language in the next one, I don't recommend this one for everyone. (If you choose to view this one you probably also won't want to do so with children in earshot since there's heavy repetition of some crass phrases that young ears could easily pick up on.)

How often is God's value for genuine relationship (which loves us before we become lovers of God) tossed by the way side in search of a conversion? How often do Christians 'make like they value relationship' only to bail out when it doesn't look like conversion is probable? How often do circular logic and/or self-serving ideologies replace the true kerygma of the good news shared in a charismissional way?

Chicken Little and My Mixed Metaphors

2006-06-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this awesome new book by Alan Roxburgh called The Sky is Falling: Leaders Lost in Transition. I'm only about 70 pages in, but so far Roxburgh has proven himself to be a smart, balanced person with an enduring commitment to long-term kingdom growth.

Playing off the Chicken Little story Roxburgh's title calls back to the chick who runs around calling, "The sky is falling!" after one acorn strikes her on the head.
Roxburgh makes a case for why Christians need to become more comfortable with a sense of disequilibrium noting that our culture/time in history is marked by more than continuous, understandable change. He calls it 'discontinuous change.' Here are a few quotes I've been enjoying:

"Discontinuous Change is an all-out acorn assault. Because there's no discernible pattern to the changes[;] the attacks seem to come from all angles and directions. Discontinuous change literally feels like the sky is falling. It exhausts our physical, mental, and spiritual resources by its sheer magnitude." (pg 29)

"The real challenge facing [t]his generation was determining which changes to pay attention to." pg 26

Quoting R.R. Reno's In the Ruins of the Church, "At the heart of modern Christianity is a dislike of 'organized religion,' a distancing habit that keeps at bay the demands of a suffering intimacy with the concrete and particular forms of the apostolic witness."

Roxburgh describes two present-day Christian tribes with a missional focus: 1. The Liminals (those missionally focused who remain at the threshold of the Institutional Church -- my wording, not his) and the Emergents (those missionally focused who step outside of the IC to find a new practice). Roxburgh writes, "It's my conviction that without dialogue and cooperation between these two tribes -- the Liminals and the Emergents -- we will never be able to discern the shape of the communities God truly wants to call forth."

I think he's onto something. It's worth the read. The pages of my book are filling up with ink - which, in my world, is a sure sign that I'm loving what I'm reading.

In another couple months I'll be at the 4-year mark having left my liminal threshold to stand out in the emergent desert that has seemed more like a wasteland for my cares, affections and sense of security than the lush garden I came in search of. Over the last 4 years there have been times I felt like my whole world had been tipped on it's head - lack of job, relationship, miniscule community and excessive confusion ... hunger for something more, something different, something new, something familiar all at once. Other times I felt like my world wasn't just upside down, but rather that it was spinning, a never ceasing motion of confusion and change. I'd catch glimpses of what I was looking for; and, scents of it would go wafting by. There'd be conversations and stories full of it; but it was much more fleeting and momentary in life experience. Unlike the church where I used to work or my favorite scripture verse I never could find the address of missional community.

For a while I kept trying to figure out which way was up so I could regain my sense of balance and stop the spinning motion; but, when you're spinning, 'up' is a relative concept. If anything is tangible it's throwing up. Much to the chagrin of many family members, friends, colleagues, and mentors I've been unable to stop the spinning ride. Some have fallen into a sense of despair or disappointment at my 'lost potential' and stepped back from the wind generated by all the spinning in my life. Others have weathered the tornado-like gusts and maintained an encouraging posture toward me. Nonetheless, the whirling continues.

I think, at long last, I'm beginning to acclimate to this continuous sense of uncertainty. - I don't necessarily like it; but, I think I'm getting used to it. Kind of a vertigo as a state of experience with grounding only in love and Emmanuel as reality. Thankfully, I think I'm finally starting to accept that God's point in all of this is not in my finding a new equilibrium from my daily experience. The point? ... I'm still figuring some of that out; but, I think in its simplest form it has much to do with finding Him.

One last quote from Surfing the Edge of Chaos (great title of a book I've only yet read in citation) "At certain scales (i.e. small) and in some time frames (i.e., short), equilibrium can be a desirable condition. But over long intervals of time and on very large scales, equilibrium becomes hazardous. Why? Because the environment in which an organism (or organization) lives is always changing. At times, it is turbulent. Prolonged equilibrium dulls an organism's senses and saps its ability to arouse itself appropiately in the face of danger."

Love the Weekend

2006-04-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

Friday I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Speak your mind even if your voice shakes." (I think I like that one even better than the one I saw a few weeks ago that read, "Voting is Sexy." Personally I can get behind the former better than the latter of these two statements - some people just don't develop sex appeal at the point of exiting a voting booth.

Yesterday I read some good words in the Psalms (I've noted a brief sample here) before spending the rest of the day connecting with one friend after another (most in person, but some on the phone).

I spent the evening with my favorite kid in town, (I have to say that now, before he has a little brother that prevents me from saying that). When I stopped singing a song about a helicopter last night to talk to him about an airplane flying by he said to me,

"Auntie, no talking. ... Helicopter"
"Do you just want me to sing about the helicopter?" I asked.
"Yes, helicopter. No talking."
So for a long while I cotinued singing to him about the helicopter we'd seen.

He did sing with me later, though, when I introduced a camp song about tropical fruit and Jesusfrom my friend Hamilton Clan's days working at Wolf Mountain. (Honestly, where do some of these lyrics come from?) I'll have to see if I can get a little video to post of him while he joyfully screams out, "Papayas!" when we sing that song next time. He's too cute! Who knew I'd ever find a way to enjoy the, "I like Bananas" song that the Hamilton Clan sang just to drive me crazy so many years ago?

Cancer Sucks; but Life Rocks

2006-04-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

It looks like my Dad's cancer is coming back. For the last 5 years my Dad's been receiving experimental cancer treatments which have kept his cancer in a holding pattern. Every quarter he gets tested to track the level of cancer in his body and then gets a treatment when the results are favorable.

This month he had two tests in rapid succession from one another. His numbers rose as quickly in a 10-day period as they did over the course of the last year. We're still talking about a small amount; but, the growth is picking up speed. At the same time, we're forewarned, and in a lot of ways, we really have had a good run (6+ years longer than the '2 months left' prognosis we got in 2000.) If there had to be terminal cancer, what a blessed way to experience it, really. We've had advance notice, easy tests to track it, & side effects from the drugs that put more hair on my dad's head as opposed to less.

Now that it seems like we're getting closer to the end of this holding pattern in this chapter of the cancer story, I really want to remember some of the life lessons I learned during our first cancer chapter. When my dad was first diagnosed and it was only getting worse. I learned that my dad is a spontaneous adventurer who does not like everything planned out for him. Support, for him, was not me asking him a million questions about his treatment plan as I might have liked. It was acknowledging the problem openly without letting it circumvent the original plan of living a full and happy life. What I didn't get then was that to my dad, if I stopped everything to worry about his cancer it was not only was robbing him of life, but his daughter, too. Of course, I didn't learn this without a lot of frustration and miscommunication and tears; but the point now is that I learned it (or at least grasped some of the concept).

As the daughter in this scenario, I will never stop praying for a complete healing, no matter what the doctors say. But, I also want to be the daughter who learns to support my dad in his love languages. When I was 25-26 and the Dr's were saying my dad was going to die in a matter of months it was completely overwhelming (and, although I couldn't see it at the time, my reaction was more about me than it was about him). Now, I'm 32 and I've been given the gift of time to deal with some of the possibility of loosing my parents while I'm relatively young. Of course, loosing either parent for any reason will suck no matter how much advance notice I have. But, if we have to go around the cancer bend again, I want to bless my dad by remaining full of the life and lessons he's given me. I have no doubt that I'll be supportive and engaged in the Dr. reports & prognosis side of things - that's my natural inclination. Please be praying, though, that God gives me the grace I need to be the kind of daughter who'll come home full of life and joy even if at some point cancer is trying to steal away at my dad's life again. Please pray, too, that my family gets many more opportunities to better learn how to love and understand each other.

Little Post, Big Link

2006-04-19T00:19:00.000-07:00

For a long time now I've promised many friends that I'd start blogging. Finally it's here: an official first post with the intention to post again on a semi-regular basis. I can guarantee that my posts will be sporadic at best, at least for a while; but, like one of my favorite quotes from Monica on the old TV show Friends, "Yeah, but at least I'm doin' it!" Can you remember which episode that came from?

It seemed fitting to start now with this link to a pod cast from Eugene Peterson. Those of you who have known me for a while will remember that I have often said that Eugene is one of the guys I'd just love to adopt as a grandpa so that I could just sit at his feet and listen to him talk. He's talking here on "Why Spiritual Formation is Not an Option" (or what he more simply calls "Doing the Right Thing the Wrong Way"). This address on the difference between God's Way and just the way we're used to doing things; it seems to me to be a fitting launch for a blog of similar title. I'll make a point though to write more of my own stuff next time. In the interim though, if you have the time, check out what Eugene has to say.